Yes, I’ve applied for them.

Funny how that saying “when it rains, it pours” implies that things that haven’t happened in a while will suddenly begin to happen rapidly, and all at once. That’s what’s going on for me right now.

Yes, I’ve been happily unemployed for nearly ten months now. I am unashamed of collecting State benefits. In fact, I’m trying to figure out how to extend those hard earned benefits and get more! (But that is not the point of this post.)

Point is, some of the jobs I’ve applied for way back when, are finally coming around to interview me. Jobs like Administrative Aide for the Fire Department. (but even working full time for them won’t pay my mortgage, which is very reasonable.) The Admin position is something I took a test for back in September. (ten weeks ago!) Other jobs, in my field, like UX Program manager at one of the big five tech firms that not one, not two, but three different recruiters have referred me toward…and jobs at agencies where I have friends, and now, finally, I have some interviews coming up.

Yet I wonder/worry if my disdain for the workplace is coming through in my approach toward getting (and thus far, not getting) these gigs. Interview questions that I carefully evade or elude by saying things like:

My superpower is flexibility

what I say in interviews

But it’s true. I am flexible, I adapt to the situation, the client, the budget, the boss. Leadership coaches will tell me that is what the problem is: Only I can truly be the boss of me. Only I can make my life matter to me. (Something my shrink constantly reminds me of, but now also, fellow Gateless Academy student Terri Trespicio, author of Unfollow Your Passion.)

Being flexible is where I come from, where my siblings and I grew up all over the country and the world as military dependents, literally waiting for our orders from “above.” Constantly counting down the days until we moved duty stations, making change and adaptation part of our every day norm. While most kids supposedly grow up with the same lifelong friends K-12, we made new friends every two to three years. And yes, I do keep in touch with some of them still today. It’s part of what makes me good at my (former) job: interviewing people, finding out what makes them tick – or how this digital product/website/app or service does or doesn’t work for them. I can build rapport quickly, and make you think we’re besties in a heartbeat. It’s a skill I’ve been honing since the second grade.

Doesn’t mean I want to do it anymore…unless I really want to. This is the job I want. Writing. For intrinsic purposes, for entertainment purposes, for fun. To connect and be understood, on a cerebral and emotional level.

I just wish it paid the bills.

So I’ll continue to bet on myself, continue to interview until I get an offer, continue to educate myself and up-skill my abilities. That’s the only constant in this world, change, and I am really good at handling that.

Special thanks to Jusdevoyage on Unsplash for the cover photo