Last night I met a bunch of peers my age at a birthday celebration. One of the guests was a lawyer who’d recently quit practicing. He freely admitted*, that litigating and arguing for a living had taken enough of its toll. He was in the process of finding a new way of life, as yet, undefined. My partner offered to give him a hug, the guy looked so beleaguered.

I woke up this morning thinking about that guy, and the harried, tired look about him. He’d spent 20+ years arguing over Water Rights between entities in California.

Don’t we all need water? Can’t we share the water?

As I waited for my partner to grab our hand-pulled espresso lattes, I watched as he chatted with the busdriver who was also in line with him, waiting on Yoli, the friendliest barista in Pt. Richmond.

Turns out this busdriver has been driving the same route for 36 years. From Pinole to Jack London Square, the two coffee lovers talked about the places and the things they’d seen in common in that time. When my partner recounted this conversation to me on the walk with our dog, we marveled at how patient and calm, and congenial you must have to be, to be a busdriver. And especially on that route, over the years, he must have seen some blight and some pretty ugly stuff. Parts of Oakland have suffered developmental neglect, gang warfare and other stuff that is the lore of this legendary place. We were sure this busdriver had seen it all.

In the grand scheme of things, we walked and talked and took in the grey and cloudy skies, noting how full of the oncoming storm it was as we let the dog run, and allowed the cool morning air to fill our lungs. I felt like reaching back out to the lawyer, to see if wanted to do a Workplace Woes interview.

In my journal writing and in my never-ending reflection and musings over the past twenty years, working in tech, I’m often shocked by how much each of us so strongly identifies as our occupation. If you’re a product manager, and the product gets canned, aren’t you feeling pretty sh*itty? If you’re a doctor/firefighter/nurse or some other kind of important and essential worker, and someone is in need – but you’re “off-duty” isn’t it imperative on you to help them? To not be a bystander?

But if you’re a lawyer who is tired of fighting? If you’re a busdriver who can no longer drive? What about Yoli, does she make her own hand-pulled latte or does she even drink a coffee?

We counted our blessing this morning, my partner and I. He is a maker, a contractor, a designer and a builder, with a long time friend for a boss and pretty dreamy clients. I work as a researcher and get to ask a lot of tough questions, and get to remain objective when topics get contentious and sticky; it’s my job to be neutral and not take sides**. But it wasn’t always this way in my career, nor in my partners; it is all part of the roller-coaster ride of The Working Life. Ups and downs, ebbs and flows, putting your boundaries in place and keeping your distance from the drama, these things take years of experience, discipline, and a cool, mitigating head.

I do hope the lawyer finds his way, a new route that will not be so soul-crushing. Maybe even a hopeful and more fulfilling occupation, who knows.

(*technically, his wife did)
(**other than ‘for the user’)